Morton vs. Gretna Postponed

Tonight's cup tie against Third Division bourgeoisie plaything Gretna has been called off. A team of stout men on the small tugboat "Yardley" reported soundings of 100 fathoms before reaching the Cappielow pitch as they sailed over the newly-created "Loch Greenock", a result of torrential rain and flooding that has engulfed the Tail of the Bank over the last few days. Drainage experts from as far afield as Inverkip and Langbank have been drafted in to recover the lost stadium in time for Saturday's tie against Stranraer.